thank you god
Sunday, September 28, 2008
so where do i start... hmmm... i dunno but here goes... i've been just totally sian diao and have had absoultely no mood to drag myself to youth service week after week... there are just certain sermons where u hear a million times and either they are about stuff u dont struggly wif anymore or stuff u just dont want to deal with... the only enjoyable part of edge was like the worship, i'd make the 1h cycle down to yishun just for the worship alone man... mostly just stoned in the service and zone out while jeremy preached.... but yesterday's sermon on secrets just totally blew me away, was one of the times i most willingly went down for altar call without needing an extra strong nudge of the holy spirit to do so. what secret that bogged me? well, u'll know if u've put in effort in this friendship n i'd have already shared it wif u or its only matter of time i do. as i said before and say again, i'm sick of one way friendships and fair-weather or friend-in-need friendships.
so yep, back to the topic after that rant. i stopped doing my devotions and daily prayers for quite some time even though life's been easy for me during the last month or so of lectures and unit integration. my whole social circle went haywire, prob as a result of me telling god to "do whatever it needs to help me stop relying on people but him". so both my best buddies mia le, spending time wif who knows... one of my closest pals in church stopped coming, the other dont see him around much either, prob cuz me myself has not been actively seeking him out... my two cousins stopped dotaing wif me (which is kinda good) but we also stopped going on our late nite cycle for supper sessions... i dont have my beloved sailing team affectionately calling me "capt!"... my good girl pals are now all totally busy wif uni... juniors busy wif prelims and a levels... little sis seems more int in spending more time wif other pals... like wow, god did it! oh ya and my bestest leader stepping aside too... same old me, same old problems and boy was of sick of having no1 to complain to! every1 also got their own lives now oh well...
but really thank god that as rebellous and willful as i am, by his grace i havent ever been able to do a proper backslide. he'd always call me back, slap me around and ask me to wake up my idea or do something before i actually go about that... thank god so so much for jackson who was like my elder brother during this season, sharing wif me his thoughts on current world issues, end times and well, even my favourite topic of history, namely war... i'd just bitch to him like a one liner and he'd come back wif a verse or two and a commentary to encourage an almost spiritaully defeated me during the time when i was appointed course ic over like 90 sergeants who gave me so so much problem helping to coordinate the program.
so yep, in the past week i managed to fast lunch and get back somewhat on doing my devotions and pray, although on a scale as i did in sispec. yep, there was a period of time i was more faithful in waking up early to mediate on his word outside the toilet, cuz that was where the only light was wif all the bunks still dark. prayed for my friends and in denying my fleshing desire to eat, i got back on track and its was like god's timing was so nice in preparing me for the sermon during edge which i was so skeptical about. and the best part was that i almost didnt even go, cuz i'd made up my mind to just stay home and rot (cuz i'd dotaed the whole morning and afternoon, dad wanted to use the com le so i could not dota all the way till i slept - well i could but then dad's been really patient these days with regards to my excessive use of gaming escapism)... then this morning's message on fighting the flesh by the ever so animated and annointed pastor terry, was just like the nice icing of the cake of the awesome awesome week! but then again, the fact that i didnt go for part two of the message during evening service shows that i still have work to do...
but ya la, its nice to be close to god once again, little things like enjoying the worship even when some1 whose voice sounds as traumatising as a horror show is leading to ppl thanking me for encouraging them when i feel the spirit of god telling me to do so... as well, especially when i feel the presence of god ministering to me even as i listen to christian music on the pc. wow...
i'm just gonna let my chatbox rot to death cuz i know that the friends that matter to me already know the things i blog already. i wont bother to keep lookin ppl up in this time when i'm still messed up, enough of leechin on and leading on le i guess... time to grow up shaun and stop bothering ur friends.
anyway, here's leaving u wif pics from my taiwan trip. poor us botak heads then, now we are all sergeants in the respective units roarrr!
changi airport 1
changi airport 2
on an escaltor in a themepark in taiwan
in front of a HUGE ferris wheel
at somewhat taiwan's version of raffles city shopping mall, just that i feel its nicer haha...
here's shaun, signing off
so yep, back to the topic after that rant. i stopped doing my devotions and daily prayers for quite some time even though life's been easy for me during the last month or so of lectures and unit integration. my whole social circle went haywire, prob as a result of me telling god to "do whatever it needs to help me stop relying on people but him". so both my best buddies mia le, spending time wif who knows... one of my closest pals in church stopped coming, the other dont see him around much either, prob cuz me myself has not been actively seeking him out... my two cousins stopped dotaing wif me (which is kinda good) but we also stopped going on our late nite cycle for supper sessions... i dont have my beloved sailing team affectionately calling me "capt!"... my good girl pals are now all totally busy wif uni... juniors busy wif prelims and a levels... little sis seems more int in spending more time wif other pals... like wow, god did it! oh ya and my bestest leader stepping aside too... same old me, same old problems and boy was of sick of having no1 to complain to! every1 also got their own lives now oh well...
but really thank god that as rebellous and willful as i am, by his grace i havent ever been able to do a proper backslide. he'd always call me back, slap me around and ask me to wake up my idea or do something before i actually go about that... thank god so so much for jackson who was like my elder brother during this season, sharing wif me his thoughts on current world issues, end times and well, even my favourite topic of history, namely war... i'd just bitch to him like a one liner and he'd come back wif a verse or two and a commentary to encourage an almost spiritaully defeated me during the time when i was appointed course ic over like 90 sergeants who gave me so so much problem helping to coordinate the program.
so yep, in the past week i managed to fast lunch and get back somewhat on doing my devotions and pray, although on a scale as i did in sispec. yep, there was a period of time i was more faithful in waking up early to mediate on his word outside the toilet, cuz that was where the only light was wif all the bunks still dark. prayed for my friends and in denying my fleshing desire to eat, i got back on track and its was like god's timing was so nice in preparing me for the sermon during edge which i was so skeptical about. and the best part was that i almost didnt even go, cuz i'd made up my mind to just stay home and rot (cuz i'd dotaed the whole morning and afternoon, dad wanted to use the com le so i could not dota all the way till i slept - well i could but then dad's been really patient these days with regards to my excessive use of gaming escapism)... then this morning's message on fighting the flesh by the ever so animated and annointed pastor terry, was just like the nice icing of the cake of the awesome awesome week! but then again, the fact that i didnt go for part two of the message during evening service shows that i still have work to do...
but ya la, its nice to be close to god once again, little things like enjoying the worship even when some1 whose voice sounds as traumatising as a horror show is leading to ppl thanking me for encouraging them when i feel the spirit of god telling me to do so... as well, especially when i feel the presence of god ministering to me even as i listen to christian music on the pc. wow...
i'm just gonna let my chatbox rot to death cuz i know that the friends that matter to me already know the things i blog already. i wont bother to keep lookin ppl up in this time when i'm still messed up, enough of leechin on and leading on le i guess... time to grow up shaun and stop bothering ur friends.
anyway, here's leaving u wif pics from my taiwan trip. poor us botak heads then, now we are all sergeants in the respective units roarrr!
changi airport 1
changi airport 2
on an escaltor in a themepark in taiwan
in front of a HUGE ferris wheel
at somewhat taiwan's version of raffles city shopping mall, just that i feel its nicer haha...
here's shaun, signing off
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