Giving it some thought...
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Telling stories, sometimes with the facts slightly exazaggerated for more umph, playing yoyo, card tricks, shooting hoops, setting up a $2000 bike to ride. what do these stuff have in common? well i realised they were all linked to my excessive nature of needing affirmation from others. I want ppl to go "ooh, ahhh, wow" so i feel good and appreciated. and in seeking to get that kinda feeling, its an endless search of trying to master stuff that others do not usually do. u may call it talents, such as juggling or freestyling on a stunt bike, but god made me realised that often i wanna learn these talents just to show off. ya to feed this sickening ego of mine. i surround myself wif a huge circle of good pals and a smaller circle of best buds so i feel affirmed... if i dont feel i am accepted, i cant function properly, i'll be damn pissed and emo or whatever bad mood u can think of. perhaps that explains the constant need to dota and pawn noobs, at the very least i feel some sense of worth that i can outsmart, outwit and outlast another person behind the screen on the other end... i wanna quit all these crap well, if its not done wif a positive motive...
so ya, failing the a lvls after i tried my best to force myself to study (to no avail) made me feel at the bottom of the world. from the top of the world when i felt so loved by my sailing team and teachers, i felt i'd do anything for them. fix a bolt, examine for damages, conduct mini theory sessions. yep, there was an endless supply of energy and vigour i felt i could draw from cuz many of them called me "dear captain". now in a new environment where there are scholars all around who have like 6-7 As, ppl who run so fast seemingly without any effort while i suffer like mad and still fail my SOC. oh well, i feel like shit, total shit. but ya, as karina jie challenged me, i'll be seeking to look to him to fill the void and not the stuff of this world to try to attain fufillment. otherwise its just gonna be the really unpleasant and pissed of shaun every1'll be seeing...
so ya, failing the a lvls after i tried my best to force myself to study (to no avail) made me feel at the bottom of the world. from the top of the world when i felt so loved by my sailing team and teachers, i felt i'd do anything for them. fix a bolt, examine for damages, conduct mini theory sessions. yep, there was an endless supply of energy and vigour i felt i could draw from cuz many of them called me "dear captain". now in a new environment where there are scholars all around who have like 6-7 As, ppl who run so fast seemingly without any effort while i suffer like mad and still fail my SOC. oh well, i feel like shit, total shit. but ya, as karina jie challenged me, i'll be seeking to look to him to fill the void and not the stuff of this world to try to attain fufillment. otherwise its just gonna be the really unpleasant and pissed of shaun every1'll be seeing...
